window into the soul

A Window Into My Soul

Please welcome volunteer staff member and guest blogger, Kim Gray.

Recently I was challenged to look in a mirror. This wasn’t a usual look in a mirror. Not like the casual one I do every day as I am getting ready. This look was meant to look past the surface and look deeply into my soul. They say our eyes are the windows to our soul, so this shouldn’t be too difficult, right? Wrong! It was painful.

Why was this so hard for me? I realized I had used my eyes for years to critique what I saw when I looked in a mirror. My mirror would tell me “Wow, look how tired you look.” Of course I am tired, I am busy “doing” all the stuff that needs to be done! I mean who wouldn’t be tired in my shoes? “You looked better ten years ago.” Dang, why didn’t I appreciate what I saw in the mirror ten years ago? “Might be time to switch to an unwrinkled cream.” Do they even make an unwrinkled cream? It’s obvious the anti-wrinkle stuff isn’t living up to the hype. I saw what I went looking for. Validation for all the things I have believed about myself. Validation for what my culture tells me beauty is all about. Validation for all the things I didn’t hear as a little girl. Painful.

At that moment I caught myself. I stopped and drew that mirror close. Really close, till it nearly touched my nose. I heard a voice deep within me say,

“Let me tell you who I see. I see a loved woman. I see a woman of great worth, one who is worth being known. I see a woman who I delight in, one who is worth a Holy Son. My Holy Son.”

Could this really be true? Of course it’s true; but, could I really embrace it? What would it be like if I actually allowed myself to believe what is true and not all the lies spoken and unspoken that I have bought into for years? What if I could see who I am?

I wish I could tell you at that moment my whole world changed. I wish I could say some incredible transformation took place, that the clouds parted and the sun stood still. No, I can’t tell you that. I can tell you that my perspective changed. Instead of looking in that mirror and having it reflect what I’ve seen for years, I looked at “who” I am.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My beholder is the One who created me. I choose to immerse myself in that truth. I am a worthy, loved, and known woman. Nothing I do creates that. My creator created me to be loved, to be worthy, and to be known. Each morning when I look in the mirror I remind myself of that truth. Do I still look tired? Sometimes. Do I still wish for that miracle unwrinkled cream? Occasionally. Am I loved, worthy and known? All the time. Every day. Every moment.

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